Not Quite Good Enough
My whole life, I’ve always struggled with truly believing that I am really good enough.
I constantly feel like I’m stuck between being “better than good”, but “not quite good enough” to be seen as great.
This thought has especially intensified during the past few months since I’ve been applying and interviewing for DEI programme manager and project manager roles.
“Wow! You speak 3 modern languages! That’s so impressive but we’re looking for someone who is a native French speaker.”
“I can’t even begin to imagine what it has been like for you navigating life across all of these different cultures, but we’re looking for someone who understands the European market better even though you’d be working across EMEA (Europe, the Middle East and Africa).”
“Yes, you have a Master’s degree, and we did advertise that the minimum requirement is a Bachelor’s degree, but we’ve actually decided to offer the role to someone with a PhD.”
“Your resume is quite impressive! Your passion and dedication to DEI shines through. It’s obvious that you’re so knowledgeable about DEI strategy, but we’re looking for someone with more experience.”
I must admit that the last one stung the most since it came from the mouth of someone who I’ve recently delivered a number of workshops and strategies for.
How embarrassing!
Needless to say, it feels like no matter how much time and effort I put into this work, I’m never ever going to be seen as “good enough” because there’s always that one very important thing that I lack.
A couple of weeks ago, I stumbled across an article about 'supertokenism'.
Dori Tunstall, OCAD University Dean of Design, defines supertokenism as "an individual from a marginalized group or groups whose talents are so desired by institutions that they are able to overcome their innate aversion to the individual’s identities in order to have access to those talents."
This term really made me sulk for a few minutes because I realised that I was so far away from ever being labelled as one!
I know it sounds quite funny, or maybe, quite concerning that I would be saddened to come to the realisation that I’d never be seen as a 'supertoken', but when you’re an immigrant who is constantly worried about your visa status, you just have to come to terms with the fact that you must stand out amongst the crowd just to be considered for entry level roles.
Which means that you have to shine ten times as bright just to be considered for managerial roles.
To put things into perspective, I have colleagues with 2 Master’s degrees, a doctorate from Harvard, 10+ years of work experience (at some of the most well-known companies in the world), with the kindest hearts and the most humble spirits you will ever come across.
So, honestly, how would you ever expect this small island girl to compete with that?
Yes, I am quite fortunate to have been invited for these interviews but, as all immigrants know, that’s not going to impress the person reviewing my dossier at the prefecture one bit.
And, I also know that you’re going to remind me that everything happens for a reason and that I just have to trust in God’s plan.
Of that, I am sure.
I do believe that I’ll find my way and land my dream role with the best colleagues ever at the most inclusive company in the world!
But, at this moment in time, while I’m really experiencing anxiety about my future, I’d like to say that constant rejection sucks!
However, even with all of this stress, I must admit that I do find solace in knowing that this experience will help me to improve on the work that I offer to my (French) clients, especially when it comes to their recruiting and hiring processes.
Furthermore, I’ve come to realise that by being honest about my lived experiences, especially the failures, I’ve helped others to feel like they’re not alone.
It really touches me when people from all around the world reach out to me to ask for advice about their careers or even just for that extra push because they don’t often feel heard and seen by their employers.
I still have a long way to go before I reach ‘supertoken’ level, but I’m so happy that I made the decision to work in Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Belonging because I see the difference that it’s making in people’s lives and I’m so grateful that I get to play a small role in that.
