What 2023 Taught Me

I am well aware of the fact that when people take the time to share their reflections on the past year, they usually share amazing insights on all the valuable lessons they’ve learnt and how their many wins and losses made them stronger and ready to grab the new year by the horns.

Oftentimes, their insight inspires us to want to be and do better. So, naturally, we end up putting together a list of resolutions which we hope will magically transform us into better versions of ourselves before the end of the year.

However, due to the fact that I achieved absolutely none of my major goals last year, I have made the conscious decision to just keep scrolling past all of these “How To Be Better in 2024” videos and “In and Out” carousels that keep popping up on my timeline in order to avoid setting any new year resolutions.

Why? 

Because 2023 has undoubtedly been the most challenging year of my life. To be honest, I’m still trying to figure out how I survived these past 12 months.

It’s so scary to admit that there was so much that was simply out of my control, that at times, the only solace I could find was in hiding in a bathroom stall and crying for longer than I’d like to admit.

Every time I truly thought that I had conquered one big, scary monster, another one would quickly rear its ugly head and give me something much bigger and scarier to cry about.

For years, I had prided myself on being in the driver’s seat, especially when confronted with struggles which would make anyone else break a sweat, or two!

I always lived life as if nothing or no one could ever stop me from achieving my goals. No matter how hard I fell, I always dusted myself off, stood back up and walked towards my goals with my held head high.

In my mind, there was nothing that anyone could say or do that could steer me off course. No matter what the naysayers said, I would always stay focused and keep my eyes on the prize.

However, in the blink of an eye, 2023 changed all of that.

After years of being able to cancel out the noise, I could no longer keep pushing through. My mental health was more fragile now than it had ever been before.

Suddenly, my personal life became a big hot stinking mess.

I had to learn the hard way that not everyone who says that they care about me actually does. Like our grandparents have been saying for years, “Actions speak louder than words”. 

It finally dawned on me that the same people who I would drop everything for, without a second thought, wouldn’t even consider doing the same for me.

It was actually quite shocking and heartbreaking to see just how easy it was for them to turn their backs on me when I needed their love and support the most.

Professionally, as a Diversity, Equity and Inclusion practioner, I’m embarrassed to say that I had to relearn, over and over and over and over again, that white fragility is very real and that not everyone who openly says that they’re ready to do the work is actually ready to do the work.

I had to remind myself that many people enjoy calling themselves allies just because it sounds cool and are quite keen to publicly speak out against social injustices only when it suits their agenda, i.e. their thirst for power and influence.

Some even go as far as to brand themselves as “inclusive leaders who seek to foster inclusive work environments” without ever taking the time to reflect on what this actually means, as well as the level of psychological and emotional harm that their words and actions bring upon the lives of the Black and Brown people who have the misfortune of coming into contact with them.

Personally and professionally, I learnt that I have to continuously work towards taking better care of my mental health. As my elder sister reminded me many times this year, I can’t keep pouring into other people’s cups without ensuring that mine is constantly being poured into.

I think we sometimes forget that our mental health, just like indoor plants, has to be tended to with a lot of love, care and patience.

Yet, even with all of these profound realisations, 2023 hasn’t left me yearning to write out any resolutions for 2024, because the numerous lessons that I’ve learnt this past year, are sadly ones that I’ll constantly have to keep going back to for years to come.