Words Have Power
We all sang some version of "Sticks n' Stones" when we were kids.
However, I've yet to meet someone who hasn't spent a night or two, twisting and turning in bed, because they finally thought of the perfect comeback line that they should have used to respond to that rude comment made by a family member, colleague or some stranger 15 years ago!
Reminding us that even though we're all ashamed to admit it, words do really cause harm. Sometimes the harm caused to us as kids is so great that we keep bringing it up to our therapist, even though we swore up and down that we barely think about it now.
This is why I'm such a big supporter of inclusive language, even though I don't always get it right.
Case in point, a few weeks ago I posted a short video on my social media asking others to share what they had been reading this past summer. The video was up for a couple of days when my cousin sent me a text asking if one of the words I used wasn't considered ableist language.
According to Disability Inclusion Training Specialist, Ashley Eisenmenger:
"Ableism is the discrimination of and social prejudice against people with disabilities based on the belief that typical abilities are superior. At its heart, ableism is rooted in the assumption that disabled people require ‘fixing’ and defines people by their disability....ableism classifies entire groups of people as 'less than', and includes harmful stereotypes, misconceptions, and generalizations of people with disabilities."
Moreover, "when it comes to language", Ravishanka (2020) explains that ableism "often shows up as metaphors (“My boyfriend is emotionally crippled.”), jokes (“That comedian was hysterical!”), and euphemisms (“He is differently abled.”) in conversation."
To be honest, I don’t think I would have ever realised this had he not pointed it out. So, I took the video down and searched for the origins of the word online.
After listening to what my cousin, and others had to say on online forums, it made sense.
I really thought to myself: "How did I not pick up on this?"
But, that’s the thing that makes ableist language so harmful. Since many of us have the privilege of not having a (visible) disability, we never take the time to think about how everyday words and phrases cause harm to members of historically marginalised communities, such as disabled people, Black & Brown people, members of the LGBTQ+ community, women and APIDA.
I’m sure that some of you are probably rolling your eyes right now. You may even believe that we're just "making a mountain out of a molehill" since "people have been using these words for years" and "everyone is just so sensitive and easily offended these days".
However, as an avid fan of historical documentaries and novels, I have come to the realisation that a number of gang wars, civil wars, world wars, and even rap wars, all started because one powerful man wasn't too happy about how another addressed him, or talked about him, in public.
So, like it or not, words do hold a lot more power than we like to give them credit for.
Of course, we are all going to falter and either say or do the wrong thing at some point in time, even after we’ve spent a lot of time and effort educating ourselves (and others) and trying to be more thoughtful of everyone around us, especially of those who are different from us.
I guess that's why the saying "people aren’t perfect!" exists! Thankfully, we also have to be grateful that apologies exist. So, maybe we all can agree to just use them when we’ve been called out instead of becoming overly defensive and aggressive.
If it's one thing that I've learnt from working with employees who have been on the receiving end of derogatory comments, and made the brave choice to call them out, is that all that everyone truly wants from someone who has caused them harm, is an acknowledgement of the pain that they have or she/he has caused and a sincere apology.
However, what many of us end up with is a temper tantrum, criticism and sometimes, even harassment.
So, my advice to you is, in a world where you can be anything, be kind!
Resources:
1. Here is the link to a forum that discusses why the word I used is harmful.
2. Here are some links to help you learn more about ableist language:
Ableism 101: What it is, what it looks like, and what we can do to to fix it - Ashley Eisenmenger
Things People With Disabilities Wish You Knew - BuzzFeed Video
Why You Need to Stop Using These Words and Phrases - Rakshitha Arni Ravishankar
Sources:
Eisenmenger, A. (2021, January 8). Ableism 101 - what is ableism? what does it look like?Access Living. Retrieved September 3, 2022, from https://www.accessliving.org/newsroom/blog/ableism-101/#:~:text=Ableism%20is%20the%20discrimination%20of,defines%20people%20by%20their%20disability.
Ravishankar, R. A. (2022, March 30). Why you need to stop using these words and phrases. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved September 3, 2022, from https://hbr.org/2020/12/why-you-need-to-stop-using-these-words-and-phrases