Ma’am, My Value is Not Linked to the Size of My Hips
Photo by Eyasu Etsub on Unsplash
Like most Saint Lucian women who left home at a young age, I have received my fair share of comments about my fluctuating weight every time I visit.
After my first trip home from UWI, I put together a checklist of what I’d have to do to mentally prepare for my next trip (as well as subsequent trips) home. No longer would I be caught off guard – like a deer in the headlights – when a stranger, friend, or family member asked me why I had gained or lost so much weight.
This very detailed mental checklist includes mantras, such as “You are beautiful at any size”, as well as reminders to not outwardly look startled when everybody and their momma inevitably comment on my weight.
I even came up with some snarky comebacks I could use when taking part in these awkward exchanges. However, I admittedly never use any of them since telling my friend’s mom “koukounn manman'w” (Kwéyòl curse word) just never feels quite appropriate, even after she’s just made an entire supermarket full of strangers stare at my expanding hips.
So, instead, I smile, shrug and stare in another direction; awkwardly thinking about why I did not just run and hide in another aisle when I spotted her at the supermarket in the first place.
However, after recently receiving three very contrasting comments about my weight from three individuals in one day, I started thinking about why these women, who would all be considered physically unfit, found it important to address my weight before even finishing their greeting.
My Hi[p]story
As a young girl going through puberty, naturally, my body was constantly changing. I was quite slim up until the age of 11. However, during my first year of secondary school, I was quite chubby. I gained weight and had no idea why. My face and tummy were all round all while the other girls in my class were starting to fill out. I looked like a bottle of Chubby, while they looked like a sexy Coca-Cola glass bottle. I was doomed and a few cooler classmates went out of their way to make me know it!
Unfortunately, puberty did what it does best: it morphed my body into something new and embarrassing. I, at the age of 14, had hips that most women only get after birthing babies. Now, at the age of 30, it’s safe to say that I am a grown woman. So, why do other people expect me to look the same way and weigh the same number of pounds that I did at the age of 14?!
Like everyone else, I have experienced some major emotional, physical and socio-cultural changes throughout my life. To put things into perspective, we’re currently in the middle of a pandemic and I reside in one of the countries that’s most hard hit by Covid-19. Therefore, my whole life (gym schedule, friendships, financial security) changed in an instant and I had to adapt quickly; something my 14, 15, 16 and even 21-year-old self would not have been able to do. Yet, everyone chooses to focus on my weight instead of asking me about my mental wellbeing.
Societal Pressures
This realisation forces me to accept a reality that I’ve been trying to deny for years: womxn (of all backgrounds) are held to impossible standards, and the worst part of it all, is that it’s mostly other womxn placing the pressure to be perfect (thin, pretty and perky) onto us, whether at home, at work or unsurprisingly, on social media (Cafri, Yamamiya, Brannick, & Thompson, 2006; Schaefer et al., 2018; Huntley, 2019).
If you were to take a few minutes out of your day to analyse the media’s portrayal of women, it should come as no surprise that many of us live in fatphobic societies.
Fat phobia is a pathological fear of fatness (Robinson, Bacon, & O'Reilly, 1993). Tovar (2018) even claims, “this is a form of bigotry that equates fatness with ugliness, inferiority and immorality”.
I, for one, have never been and will never want to be the kind of woman who judges another by the size of her skirt instead of by the content of her character (adaptation of the ‘I Have a Dream’ speech by Martin Luther King Jr.). This is why I am a staunch advocate for body positivity and believe that we should support all womxn of all sizes, no matter where they are on their health and fitness journey.
“Body positivity has its roots in the fat acceptance movement of the late 1960s” (Cherry, 2020) and “was pioneered by [B]lack and queer wom[x]n to fight discrimination in public spaces, the workplace and doctors’ offices” (deVos, 2018). However, “the term ‘body positive’ emerged in 1996 when a psychotherapist and an individual who had been through treatment for an eating disorder founded the website thebodypositive.org” (Cherry, 2020). The movement asserts, “all people deserve to have a positive body image, regardless of how society and popular culture view ideal shape, size, and appearance” (ibid.).
The Facts of Life
Individuals of all ages gain and lose weight for a number of reasons. Moreover, obesity, anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa are all psychological illnesses, which as hard as it may be for many of you to believe, won't be solved as a result of your insensitive comments and/or line of questioning – especially when done in front of other curious minds at the supermarket aisle – but sadly, worsened! (Cowden, 2020; Elizabeth, 2017)
I wish I could offer up some simple steps as to how to end body shaming but what new thought-provoking argument and/or suggestion could I share that researchers – who have been analysing and theorising for decades about the psychological effects of comments made about one's weight gain and loss – haven't already stated?
Maybe, if you are not my doctor, shut up?! But, I guess that’s easier said (in my head) than out loud!
Sources:
Cafri, G., Yamamiya, Y., Brannick, M., & Thompson, J. K. (2006). The Influence of Sociocultural Factors on Body Image: A Meta-Analysis. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 12(4), 421-433. doi:10.1093/clipsy.bpi053
Cherry, K. (2020, February 25). Why Body Positivity Is Important. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-body-positivity-4773402
Cowden, S. (2020, January 28). You Can Hurt Someone With an Eating Disorder by Saying the Wrong Thing. Retrieved January 09, 2021, from https://www.verywellmind.com/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-anorexia-or-bulimia-1138326
DeVos, K. (2018, May 29). The Problem With Body Positivity. Retrieved January 09, 2021, from https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/29/opinion/weight-loss-body-positivity.html?auth=login-google
Elizabeth, D. (2017, July 7). 11 Things You Should Never Say to Someone With Anorexia. Retrieved January 09, 2021, from https://www.allure.com/story/what-not-to-say-to-an-anorexia-survivor
Huntley, R. (2019, September 17). Perception of beauty in women might be changing, but the pressure is still relentless. Retrieved January 09, 2021, from https://www.abc.net.au/everyday/beauty-pressures-on-young-women/11504870
Robinson, B. “, Bacon, L. C., & O'Reilly, J. (1993). Fat phobia: Measuring, understanding, and changing anti-fat attitudes. International Journal of Eating Disorders, 14(4), 467-480. doi:10.1002/1098-108x(199312)14:43.0.co;2-j
Schaefer, L. M., Burke, N. L., Anderson, L. M., Thompson, J. K., Heinberg, L. J., Bardone-Cone, A. M., . . . Paxton, S. J. (2018). Comparing internalization of appearance ideals and appearance-related pressures among women from the United States, Italy, England, and Australia. Eating and Weight Disorders - Studies on Anorexia, Bulimia and Obesity, 24(5), 947-951. doi:10.1007/s40519-018-0544-8
Tovar, V. (2018, September 09). 10 common instances of fatphobia, and how to react to them. Retrieved January 09, 2021, from https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/10-common-instances-of-fatphobia-and-how-to-react-to-them-1.3619439#:~:text=Photograph%3A%20Joe%20Scarnici%2FGetty%20Images,with%20ugliness%2C%20inferiority%20and%20immorality.