What is it like to be a Woman?

Photo by Clarke Sanders on Unsplash

Three years ago, while working in Saint Lucia, a few colleagues and I were discussing the latest allegations against an older man who was allegedly having “an inappropriate relationship” with an underage girl.

During which one colleague somewhat defended his behaviour by stating, “You know he like [sic] young girls already.”

“So, he’s done this before?” I chimed in.

“Yeah, he always have [sic] a young girlfriend”, she continued nonchalantly, as if this new detail somehow provided a reasonable excuse for his predatory behaviour. As if by some reasoning of the imagination, it made no sense to call him out now given that he had already gotten away with it for years. Thus, why should it matter now? His latest victim was just one of many, and given his position in society, she would not be the last. 

Naturally, I wanted to hurl and scream. However, something else came to mind, “Why aren't we calling him a paedophile, though? She’s underage and he’s a grown man. Why aren’t we calling him a paedophile instead? It’s clear that she’s the victim here”. 

To which another colleague responded, “Well, everyone know [sic] she fast already. Even her family said so. They said they warned her already.”

You might seem confused and maybe even surprised while reading this, but this is the kind of rhetoric that is perpetuated on a daily basis. This is how we treat our women and girls who have fallen victim to the abusive nature of boys and men who they once trusted.

Recently, the slain body of a Saint Lucian woman was found at a public beach. Do you know how those who were amongst the first at the crime scene chose to memorialize her?

They decided to take pictures of her lifeless body and share it across social media. In case you’re not sure why their actions are reprehensible, think about stumbling across a photo of the naked, tortured and lifeless body of a loved one on your social media feed before the police have even had a chance to inform you of their/her/his death.

A Caribbean Issue 

Just a few weeks ago, a 23-year-old Trinidadian woman, Andrea Bharat, was kidnapped on her way home from work. Her remains, along with the remains of other unidentified individuals, were later discovered in an area that residents had for years referred to as a dumping ground (Stabroek News, 2021).

Unsurprisingly, the main suspect was already well known by police officers due to his long rap sheet (stretching from 2004 to 2020), and the constant talk of him playing an integral role in the assaults, rapes and disappearances of several local women over the years (ibid.).

This is what life (and death) looks like for so many of our women and girls. And do you want to know what’s the worst part? Many of their abusers and/or murderers will never see their day in court and even fewer will receive any (substantial) jail time due to the extremely flawed justice system of so many Caribbean nation-states.

Moreover, it is not uncommon for both men and women to openly defend these acts on social media — somewhat shouting from the rooftops that she deserved it or is a liar given that she was either “too uptight” or “belonged to the streets”. There’s never an in-between.

I can’t tell you the number of times that I have had to unfollow Caribbean-centred social media accounts due to the account manager’s problematic take on gender-based violence and frequent hate speech towards women, transgender individuals, and other members of the LGBTQ+ community.

Ironically, many of these same pages won’t hesitate to post about how Shenseea and Nessa Preppy “is wifey” — even though they both explicitly sing about their sexual prowess — while openly imploring women to stop acting stush at carnival. Yet, will be quick to criticise, blame and vilify any woman who was sexually assaulted, raped and/or murdered at said event. 

This narrative has been so normalised that even other women join in on the slut shaming, echoing sentiments such as, “What was she doing there?” and “What did she expect?” As if any woman who chooses to go to a carnival event, a club or a fete — something pretty much all of us have done — should expect to get raped and/or killed.

Despite what the media tells you, all kinds of womxn are in danger of being raped and/or killed, even professional, high-achieving ones like fellow UWI alumni and attorney, Nordraka Williams-Burnett, who was stabbed to death by her husband in their family home in December 2018.

May She Rest In Peace.

A Global Issue

In Mexico, according to government data, 987 women and girls were murdered in the first four months of 2020 (Gallón, 2020). One of the more gruesome cases is that of 25-year-old Ingrid Escamilla, who was found brutally slain, her body skinned and missing some of its organs (ibid.).

The vile part is that several media outlets made the decision to publish a leaked photograph of her disfigured body on the front pages of their newspapers and magazines (Picheta & Gallón, 2020). In other words, local media agencies saw no problem in objectifying the body of a slain woman because money is much more important than respecting the end of human life.

Again reminding us that a woman’s body, no matter how tortured and disfigured, will never be viewed as sacred.

Seriously, what will it take for womxn, especially Black and Brown womxn, to be treated with grace, empathy and respect?

That’s a question I think about often especially after watching Michaela Coel’s semi-autobiographical series, “I May Destroy You”, in which she bravely shares the details of her rape, while also exploring the nuances of society’s exploitation, sexualisation and objectification of women, girls and LGBTQ+ members of colour.

Through her raw and honest story telling, Coel forces us to see that the only way to truly bring an end to the mistreatment, objectification, rape and murders of all womxn is to continuously challenge the systems that were created to suppress us even if this means that we have to constantly fight an internal battle to decipher what is actually right and wrong.

Admittedly, it is in fighting that never-ending internal battle, that one learns what it is truly like to be a woman.

Sources

Gallón, N. (2020, July 16). Women are being killed in Mexico at record rates, but the president says most emergency calls are 'false'. Retrieved February 15, 2021, from https://edition.cnn.com/2020/06/05/americas/mexico-femicide-coronavirus-lopez-obrador-intl/index.html

Picheta, R., & Gallón, N. (2020, February 14). Newspaper publishes photos of brutally murdered WOMAN, sparking outrage in Mexico. Retrieved February 15, 2021, from https://edition.cnn.com/2020/02/13/americas/ingrid-escamilla-mexico-murder-case-scli-intl/index.html

Stabroek News. (2021, February 06). Suspect in murder of Trinidad Girl linked to sex crimes. Retrieved February 15, 2021, from https://www.stabroeknews.com/2021/02/06/news/regional/trinidad/suspect-in-murder-of-trinidad-girl-linked-to-sex-crimes/